In 36 days, I will be receiving my 3rd (and if the Lord says the same not final) degree. My first degree, a BS in Biology from Jackson State University, came in 2002; then in 2006, I proudly walked across the stage to receive my JD from Mississippi College School of Law and May 15th I will be awarded a Master’s in Library and Information Science for the University of Southern Mississippi. I was hoping to start my PhD in Higher Education this fall, but decided to take a year off to clear my head and recently, I realized that was a great idea. I have set time limits on myself, professionally anyway, but they are not set in stone, because other than proving to myself I can do it, they mean nothing.
In 5 days, I will turn 30….WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!! I love my birthday (I’ve probably said that before). Now, you’re probably wondering what does the beginning of this rant and me loving my birthday have in common. Well, I have realized lately that I have never had to make any real decisions before and I am almost 30. “How is that possible?” (insert a shocked facial expression here) you ask. Well let me first explain what I mean: I have had decisions, but God knows I am so indecisive that he made the choices so evident and easy that VERY little thought went into them.
For instance, because of my childhood (and yes I am going explain what I mean by that just not now, so hold your horses), I knew college was where I was headed which one was the question, the answer JSU, not because it was local, but for others that have no need to be discussed here. I majored in bio/pre-med, but the summer of my senior year something happened and I realized med school was not for me and I should do what my heart desired. This started my law school chapter and again the question was where; the answer MC, and this time more so because it was local. It was the only law school I applied, because at the time what I thought were MY family obligations, I had to stay here. Do I regret it, no? The “decision” opened up many doors and possibilities. The first major choice I had to deal with was when I got offered my current position and had to choose between taking it or staying in the old one, but after a little thought it was a no brainer.
Now, from my view point I have never really had to make the “tough” decisions. For me, whenever one door has closed God has simultaneously opened up the next one, I haven’t decided yet if that was good or bad. However, I do believe that first small decision of what job to take was a trial. I sat down and weighed the pros and cons and had therapy sessions with people whose opinions I value. My life has been lived in a room, so to speak, with two doors on either side, but for what is the first time, as one door appears to be closing, several have appeared and although, I know what’s behind them, I don’t know the atmosphere and am terrified of walking through the wrong door.
The past 4 years of my life have been absolutely amazing for so many different reasons and even the times I cried because I was sad or hurting didn’t take away from it. I’ve done things and gone places and met people that have added greatly to my life. I have also been blessed enough to carry with me some many great friends along the way, and many of them know me better than I know myself, but not a one of them can tell me which door to walk through.
I know God has it all written down in the book of my life. Although, I don’t want to flip to the end and spoil the adventure, I wish only one door is left open with a bright shining light on the inside and a big arrow pointing to it:). Hey, a girl can hope can’t she? One of my BFFs, Steph told me that me having options are just a testament to my abilities and not having options would make me feel worse (in so many words). I guess also, the options are also proving that I am ready to handle the “big girl” decisions. How else am I going to make it to the end of my book? When it’s all said and done, I know the decision will be the right one. Maybe I am suppose to stay in this room/chapter a little while longer and the doors are just opening to prepare me for the next. I am in deep prayer and meditation and in the end I know I will get only one door is left open with a bright shining light on the inside and a big arrow pointing to it, I just have to listen. So, until next time: live, love, laugh and cry.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Handing out pink slips
I got a text from a friend of mine that said she owed me a drink and when was I available. First off, let me say that if I call you friend then that’s exactly what you are and there is no in between and secondly, whether she said she owed me a drink or not, catching up with her is always great. She is a wife, mother of 5, and road runner; so, I asked her when was she available. We decided to meet up at 6 and four hours later the conversation was still going strong and I would have until they put us out EXCEPT for the fact I had an exam that was due by 11:59. Which brings me to the point of this entry: that messy, no good enemy called procrastination.
I often joke that I am the QUEEN of Procrastination, but after the last 2-3 months, I think that may be more accurate than I like. I have deadlines and because I have the time, I put it off and usually until the LAST possible second, literally. So, not a good look. I am realizing how much of life I am missing because of procrastination. There have been a lot of events, functions, conversations, etc. that I have missed out on because I waited to do something that needed to be done and could have already been done. That was even more evident last night. Four hours is just not enough time to spend catching up with a love one.
I can pretty much pin point the reasons why I do much of what I do or act the way I do, but with procrastination, I’m just stumped. I have no clue when, where, how, or why. The fact is I HATE the feeling I have waiting to the last minute. I’m anxious and nervous and feel very pressured and not at ease. I also think that is why I don’t sleep well. My mind is constantly racing and usually deals with the fact that there is something I need to do or remembering that is due.
Now, that I recognize there really is a problem, I can work to correct, fix or alter it. Me, myself and I discussed things over and have come to a unanimous decision:
Dear Procrastination,
This will serve as your official notice that you are being terminated due to poor work performance and your unwillingness to be a team player. You hinder much of what could be great but for laziness. There is no need to reapply and you may not use us as a reference. This termination is effective immediately.
Management
I know this won’t be nearly as easy as tossing out last night’s left overs, but it is a start. So, until next time live, love, laugh and cry.
I often joke that I am the QUEEN of Procrastination, but after the last 2-3 months, I think that may be more accurate than I like. I have deadlines and because I have the time, I put it off and usually until the LAST possible second, literally. So, not a good look. I am realizing how much of life I am missing because of procrastination. There have been a lot of events, functions, conversations, etc. that I have missed out on because I waited to do something that needed to be done and could have already been done. That was even more evident last night. Four hours is just not enough time to spend catching up with a love one.
I can pretty much pin point the reasons why I do much of what I do or act the way I do, but with procrastination, I’m just stumped. I have no clue when, where, how, or why. The fact is I HATE the feeling I have waiting to the last minute. I’m anxious and nervous and feel very pressured and not at ease. I also think that is why I don’t sleep well. My mind is constantly racing and usually deals with the fact that there is something I need to do or remembering that is due.
Now, that I recognize there really is a problem, I can work to correct, fix or alter it. Me, myself and I discussed things over and have come to a unanimous decision:
Dear Procrastination,
This will serve as your official notice that you are being terminated due to poor work performance and your unwillingness to be a team player. You hinder much of what could be great but for laziness. There is no need to reapply and you may not use us as a reference. This termination is effective immediately.
Management
I know this won’t be nearly as easy as tossing out last night’s left overs, but it is a start. So, until next time live, love, laugh and cry.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
It is a duck...
Last night, I was talking to one of the besties, and the conversation turned to faith and God, as it usually does when she and I talk. One thing stuck out to me, because she and I are very impatient people. We both know and have witnessed how magnificent and forgiving God is, but we are still learning.
She started talking about (I’m paraphrasing) how she wanted to look into the future and see where she will be and if the things she has been praying for will come to fruition. I have had that thought a million times. For me, 99.9% of the time it dealt with finding “the one” or more specifically I wanted to know if all the efforts I have was and have, on some level, continued to put in one particular relationship would prove fruitful. Out of my frustration and constant disappointments, I wanted a remote to fast-forward and see if it will be or not.
I went on to tell her that I don’t really think that way dealing with my professional life. I think, because my professional life isn’t as frustrating as my personal life. I know God has my destiny already written so I’m in control of nothing but my actions. I told her I don’t want to fast-forward, because I don’t want to miss fully enjoying life. My thought is that if I knew exactly the ending then I would spend all my life trying to reach that point and I would take the little victories for granted. I would only be working towards that goal and not just living. I don’t want to miss a thing. I have started to enjoy this thing called life.
Now you may ask, “Why doesn’t this apply with him?” The reason I don’t feel that way with this particular relationship is because I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time. We have been through a lot and some wonder “WTH are you still doing even wondering where this will end?” Professionally, I see how the things may line up. I may not know exactly where I will end, but I know it will be great. I feel a little control of my professional life. My work speaks for itself and gets me noticed. I can make the choice to write an article, or accept a promotion, or be a speaker or teach a class. God puts opportunities and people in my path and the decision is mine as to how I choose to handle them. I can’t dictate how he feels and act. I can’t make him be who I want or what I think I need. That choice is solely up to him. Just as God has placed people and opportunities in my life, He has done the same for him.
Now I’m not saying that I want to control him, because I don’t want anyone to control me and those who know me well, knows that ain’t happening. I’m just trying to explain why I look differently at the situations. But I’m starting to realize that I shouldn’t. If I knew we weren’t going to be then I would instantly move on, but what lesson or part of life would I miss from doing that? If I knew we would be together, then how would that change the person I am? I’ve decided to give it all to God. He has worked such wonders in my professional life, I have no doubt He will do the same personally.
I’m still missing life worrying about what will happen with that situation so the end result is the same. So I am just going to have to take my hand out and truly give it to God. That too is already written. So until next time, live, love, laugh and cry.
She started talking about (I’m paraphrasing) how she wanted to look into the future and see where she will be and if the things she has been praying for will come to fruition. I have had that thought a million times. For me, 99.9% of the time it dealt with finding “the one” or more specifically I wanted to know if all the efforts I have was and have, on some level, continued to put in one particular relationship would prove fruitful. Out of my frustration and constant disappointments, I wanted a remote to fast-forward and see if it will be or not.
I went on to tell her that I don’t really think that way dealing with my professional life. I think, because my professional life isn’t as frustrating as my personal life. I know God has my destiny already written so I’m in control of nothing but my actions. I told her I don’t want to fast-forward, because I don’t want to miss fully enjoying life. My thought is that if I knew exactly the ending then I would spend all my life trying to reach that point and I would take the little victories for granted. I would only be working towards that goal and not just living. I don’t want to miss a thing. I have started to enjoy this thing called life.
Now you may ask, “Why doesn’t this apply with him?” The reason I don’t feel that way with this particular relationship is because I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time. We have been through a lot and some wonder “WTH are you still doing even wondering where this will end?” Professionally, I see how the things may line up. I may not know exactly where I will end, but I know it will be great. I feel a little control of my professional life. My work speaks for itself and gets me noticed. I can make the choice to write an article, or accept a promotion, or be a speaker or teach a class. God puts opportunities and people in my path and the decision is mine as to how I choose to handle them. I can’t dictate how he feels and act. I can’t make him be who I want or what I think I need. That choice is solely up to him. Just as God has placed people and opportunities in my life, He has done the same for him.
Now I’m not saying that I want to control him, because I don’t want anyone to control me and those who know me well, knows that ain’t happening. I’m just trying to explain why I look differently at the situations. But I’m starting to realize that I shouldn’t. If I knew we weren’t going to be then I would instantly move on, but what lesson or part of life would I miss from doing that? If I knew we would be together, then how would that change the person I am? I’ve decided to give it all to God. He has worked such wonders in my professional life, I have no doubt He will do the same personally.
I’m still missing life worrying about what will happen with that situation so the end result is the same. So I am just going to have to take my hand out and truly give it to God. That too is already written. So until next time, live, love, laugh and cry.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Green is not your color, Boo
I recently read a quote “Envy has no place in your life. If God is blessing your neighbor, He is in your neighborhood.” I just love this. I don’t think I have honestly ever envied anyone for any real reason that I have wanted to be them except….. To clarify I have envied people, like Beyonce because I love Jay-Z and she got to him before I could. I don’t want to be her or be like her, I just clearly have too much free time. Or all the ladies who know Trey Songz familiar enough to call him Tremaine, I’m just saying. Oooooo and Eve as what's her face in "Barber Shop" or Halle Berry as Janie in "Their Eyes Were Watching God." I also love Michael Ealy and again I have waaayyy tooo much free time.
Now for the except part; I have and at times still do, envy the relationships some of my friends have with their families. I don’t want to be those friends, but more so long for the relationships, luckily for me, those friends have welcomed me into their families and their families have willing or not so willing accepted me.
Now that we have that all cleared up, back to the point. Although, I know God is everywhere, I have never really thought of it exactly in that sense. God has always been in my neighborhood and times when I didn’t even know it, He was staring me in the face, but I was too busy complaining about something else.
I am learning slowly but most certainly surely, that even the little things that happen are God’s blessings and although, I love for the big things to happen, I am all about the little things. Take for instance; I have one of those headphone type earpieces for my phone. The little cushion thingy kept falling off one of the ear buds and every time I thought it was a goner. One day I noticed it was off again, and this time I JUST knew I wasn’t going to find, but I had to walk around the back of my car and there it was laying on my bumper. Now mind you I had driven to the track and back and don’t remember being behind my car for to be there, but it was, the little thing:).
We spend too much time trying to keep up with the Joneses that we miss out on the little things. It’s so much easier to get wrapped up in the “blessings” that we think others are receiving that we don’t see what daily blessing God is handing out to us every day.
God is in our neighborhoods, but we aren’t opening our doors or we are being impatient and keep opening the door just long enough to see if He has left our neighbor’s and is on His way to us or checking our watches because WE think He should have been here by now. I am by no means saying I have it all figured out because I am certainly still learning, but I love learning and am enjoying these revelations. I’m very impatient, but when it comes to God, I know He only shows up when He says and when He shows up He shows out.
I don’t know my neighbors because I don’t talk to strangers, but I know God is in my neighborhood because He is always with me, especially those times when I am falling down and think I can’t take it anymore. So until next time, live, love, laugh and cry.
Now for the except part; I have and at times still do, envy the relationships some of my friends have with their families. I don’t want to be those friends, but more so long for the relationships, luckily for me, those friends have welcomed me into their families and their families have willing or not so willing accepted me.
Now that we have that all cleared up, back to the point. Although, I know God is everywhere, I have never really thought of it exactly in that sense. God has always been in my neighborhood and times when I didn’t even know it, He was staring me in the face, but I was too busy complaining about something else.
I am learning slowly but most certainly surely, that even the little things that happen are God’s blessings and although, I love for the big things to happen, I am all about the little things. Take for instance; I have one of those headphone type earpieces for my phone. The little cushion thingy kept falling off one of the ear buds and every time I thought it was a goner. One day I noticed it was off again, and this time I JUST knew I wasn’t going to find, but I had to walk around the back of my car and there it was laying on my bumper. Now mind you I had driven to the track and back and don’t remember being behind my car for to be there, but it was, the little thing:).
We spend too much time trying to keep up with the Joneses that we miss out on the little things. It’s so much easier to get wrapped up in the “blessings” that we think others are receiving that we don’t see what daily blessing God is handing out to us every day.
God is in our neighborhoods, but we aren’t opening our doors or we are being impatient and keep opening the door just long enough to see if He has left our neighbor’s and is on His way to us or checking our watches because WE think He should have been here by now. I am by no means saying I have it all figured out because I am certainly still learning, but I love learning and am enjoying these revelations. I’m very impatient, but when it comes to God, I know He only shows up when He says and when He shows up He shows out.
I don’t know my neighbors because I don’t talk to strangers, but I know God is in my neighborhood because He is always with me, especially those times when I am falling down and think I can’t take it anymore. So until next time, live, love, laugh and cry.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Picture It
I had a very wonderful exhausting day: chapter meeting with the greatest sorority ever founded, lunch with LS’s, birthday party of my 4 year old nephew and I was accompanied by 3 of my other babies and end the evening catching up with a good friend. It was time to wind it down and call it a night.
One of my BFFs (thanks Steph) told me I should check out the new Essence with Zoe Saldana on the front. Well I got a copy earlier in the week or maybe it was last week (my days are kind of running together lately), but I had yet to thumb through it. I am finishing my masters program and have some assignments I need to complete (or start to be more precise). I am the queen of procrastination so I feel guilty for flipping through anything for pleasure right now. So, the magazine has been sitting beside my bed in hopes of being able to look at it while relaxing but not so much. But tonight while relaxing in a hot bath, I decided to look through it to get mind off some things. The table of contents had a picture of Maya Angelou. Now earlier at lunch, one of my LS joking “recited” a couple of lines from Maya Angelou’s poem Phenomenal Woman. I am a huge fan of Ms. Angelou and an even greater fan of that poem. So I was curious and turned to the article. It’s funny how some things are revealed to me.
It wasn’t a long article but more so told a short story of sorts of Ms. Angelou’s life through pictures. I love pictures; so, again I was curious. There weren’t many pictures, but the few they had gave an amazing glimpse onto the life of THE Phenomenal Woman herself.
It got me to thinking if pictures of me would tell an interesting story. In this age of technology one is rarely ever without the means to capture important moments in life. I’m sure Ms. Angelou wasn’t posing for the pictures they used with the thought that one day they would tell a story. In all the pictures she was beautiful and seemed so natural and carefree. From what I have read from her or about her, I imagine that is how she has and does lead her life, beautiful, natural and carefree even despite some of her situations.
I am learning a hard lesson in how short and precious life is and how treasured it should be. I want my pictures to reflect my journey and tell my story. I want to be able to look back and not just see posed shots, but story board of an amazing fun journey. I truly want to enjoy, but keep letting life get in the way. Which is kind of ironic: I’m missing life trying to live life. I am learning to not take life so seriously and enjoy those moments that mean absolutely nothing. Hopefully, I am building pictures that are interesting. So, until next time live, love, laugh and cry.
One of my BFFs (thanks Steph) told me I should check out the new Essence with Zoe Saldana on the front. Well I got a copy earlier in the week or maybe it was last week (my days are kind of running together lately), but I had yet to thumb through it. I am finishing my masters program and have some assignments I need to complete (or start to be more precise). I am the queen of procrastination so I feel guilty for flipping through anything for pleasure right now. So, the magazine has been sitting beside my bed in hopes of being able to look at it while relaxing but not so much. But tonight while relaxing in a hot bath, I decided to look through it to get mind off some things. The table of contents had a picture of Maya Angelou. Now earlier at lunch, one of my LS joking “recited” a couple of lines from Maya Angelou’s poem Phenomenal Woman. I am a huge fan of Ms. Angelou and an even greater fan of that poem. So I was curious and turned to the article. It’s funny how some things are revealed to me.
It wasn’t a long article but more so told a short story of sorts of Ms. Angelou’s life through pictures. I love pictures; so, again I was curious. There weren’t many pictures, but the few they had gave an amazing glimpse onto the life of THE Phenomenal Woman herself.
It got me to thinking if pictures of me would tell an interesting story. In this age of technology one is rarely ever without the means to capture important moments in life. I’m sure Ms. Angelou wasn’t posing for the pictures they used with the thought that one day they would tell a story. In all the pictures she was beautiful and seemed so natural and carefree. From what I have read from her or about her, I imagine that is how she has and does lead her life, beautiful, natural and carefree even despite some of her situations.
I am learning a hard lesson in how short and precious life is and how treasured it should be. I want my pictures to reflect my journey and tell my story. I want to be able to look back and not just see posed shots, but story board of an amazing fun journey. I truly want to enjoy, but keep letting life get in the way. Which is kind of ironic: I’m missing life trying to live life. I am learning to not take life so seriously and enjoy those moments that mean absolutely nothing. Hopefully, I am building pictures that are interesting. So, until next time live, love, laugh and cry.
Friday, March 12, 2010
That first date feeling
A friend of mine recently had a first date and we were discussing her excitement about the possibility of a new relationship. She asked did I think she was crazy for thinking that this could lead to something real or that she was excited. My short answer to her was “no.” My long answer was me explaining why I thought it was a good thing to see the positive in a new beginning by telling her a story (which I’ll tell at another time. Have to have some mystery).
I’m excited for her. I love the start of new beginnings. It’s been so long since I have had a real first date that I may not know how to act. It’s kind of like Erykah Badu’s “Kiss Me on My Neck:”
I’m excited for her. I love the start of new beginnings. It’s been so long since I have had a real first date that I may not know how to act. It’s kind of like Erykah Badu’s “Kiss Me on My Neck:”
I want somebody to walk up behind me
And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck
I want somebody to walk up behind me
And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck
Been such a long time
I forgot that I was fine
But it’s nothing like that first date feeling. You, or at least I, are always anxious and wanting him to see the real you up front so there will be no surprises later. I want to be sexy but at the same time comfortable. I want him to see my serious side but at the same time be fun and easy going. I seem to want a lot on that first date…lol. I guess it’s not so much a first date feeling as the feeling you have in the beginning when everything is new and the two of you are learning about each other. I hope my friend enjoys this beginning. She deserves it.
Now, I don’t mean she should be planning a wedding or naming their kids, but life is short and should be enjoyed. She won’t know if this will lead anywhere if she doesn’t think positive in the beginning, besides if you aren't excited at the possibility of something real then really what’s the point? I think she should be really excited and take the time to enjoy her new found romance.
We are at an age that we are looking for long lasting relationships. Why would you want to be in a relationship that doesn’t excite you? The problem is that more times than not, we don’t meet men who want the same thing; they may be looking for the excitement part but not the long lasting relationship. We are also at the age where we can quickly and easily recognize those men. At times, one or two slips through, but hindsight is 20/20 and if you look closely---there were signs.
I am going to live---for now----vicariously through her. So until next time, live, love, laugh, and cry…
Thursday, March 11, 2010
My journey
So, as you can see from my first post, this blog started out as a project for class, but will turn into a record of how wonderfully funny I find my life to be. First let me say, I love God and sooooo appreciate His love, grace, and mercy. Second, I think God has a great sense of humor and at times at my expense:), which I don’t mind. I figure He has given me so much that the least I can do is make Him ROTCL (roll on the clouds laughing).
I haven’t always loved my life. I’ll discuss that more in-depth some other time, but for now I want to give a little background into why I will use this blog to document my life’s journey (and trust me, you will enjoy it as much as I do). Growing up I thought I was being punished and for the life of me I didn’t understand why me. Now, I’m not saying my life was harder or worse than the next but it was my life and as a child, life seems much worse. As I got older, I understood that I wasn’t being punished. It was what it was and I could either do what needed to be done to make my future better or I could let my surroundings be my future. I chose the former. That is what lead me to where I am today living a wonderfully funny life:). So, won’t you join me on my journey as I live, love, laugh, and cry.
I haven’t always loved my life. I’ll discuss that more in-depth some other time, but for now I want to give a little background into why I will use this blog to document my life’s journey (and trust me, you will enjoy it as much as I do). Growing up I thought I was being punished and for the life of me I didn’t understand why me. Now, I’m not saying my life was harder or worse than the next but it was my life and as a child, life seems much worse. As I got older, I understood that I wasn’t being punished. It was what it was and I could either do what needed to be done to make my future better or I could let my surroundings be my future. I chose the former. That is what lead me to where I am today living a wonderfully funny life:). So, won’t you join me on my journey as I live, love, laugh, and cry.
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