Last night, I was talking to one of the besties, and the conversation turned to faith and God, as it usually does when she and I talk. One thing stuck out to me, because she and I are very impatient people. We both know and have witnessed how magnificent and forgiving God is, but we are still learning.
She started talking about (I’m paraphrasing) how she wanted to look into the future and see where she will be and if the things she has been praying for will come to fruition. I have had that thought a million times. For me, 99.9% of the time it dealt with finding “the one” or more specifically I wanted to know if all the efforts I have was and have, on some level, continued to put in one particular relationship would prove fruitful. Out of my frustration and constant disappointments, I wanted a remote to fast-forward and see if it will be or not.
I went on to tell her that I don’t really think that way dealing with my professional life. I think, because my professional life isn’t as frustrating as my personal life. I know God has my destiny already written so I’m in control of nothing but my actions. I told her I don’t want to fast-forward, because I don’t want to miss fully enjoying life. My thought is that if I knew exactly the ending then I would spend all my life trying to reach that point and I would take the little victories for granted. I would only be working towards that goal and not just living. I don’t want to miss a thing. I have started to enjoy this thing called life.
Now you may ask, “Why doesn’t this apply with him?” The reason I don’t feel that way with this particular relationship is because I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time. We have been through a lot and some wonder “WTH are you still doing even wondering where this will end?” Professionally, I see how the things may line up. I may not know exactly where I will end, but I know it will be great. I feel a little control of my professional life. My work speaks for itself and gets me noticed. I can make the choice to write an article, or accept a promotion, or be a speaker or teach a class. God puts opportunities and people in my path and the decision is mine as to how I choose to handle them. I can’t dictate how he feels and act. I can’t make him be who I want or what I think I need. That choice is solely up to him. Just as God has placed people and opportunities in my life, He has done the same for him.
Now I’m not saying that I want to control him, because I don’t want anyone to control me and those who know me well, knows that ain’t happening. I’m just trying to explain why I look differently at the situations. But I’m starting to realize that I shouldn’t. If I knew we weren’t going to be then I would instantly move on, but what lesson or part of life would I miss from doing that? If I knew we would be together, then how would that change the person I am? I’ve decided to give it all to God. He has worked such wonders in my professional life, I have no doubt He will do the same personally.
I’m still missing life worrying about what will happen with that situation so the end result is the same. So I am just going to have to take my hand out and truly give it to God. That too is already written. So until next time, live, love, laugh and cry.